The Adventures of Sakura--The Baker?
by AnimeNoob12345
Summary: This is just some random thing I did for fun because I was bored, but it's basically Sakura quit being a ninja for some reason and now she's opening a bakery, cause why not. This doesn't follow any specific part of the Naruto timeline, and Sasuke is in the village, cause I'm the author. :) (This was my brother's idea, so if it sucks, it's his fault)
1. Chapter 1

"NARUTO!" Sakura yelled, punching Naruto in the face.

"Kuydgkwjhdb," Naruto cried out as he flew 10 yards down the road and landed there. He twitched once and let out a few pitiful mewing sounds before heaving a final breath and lying there motionlessly.

* * *

Sakura yawned contentedly as she sat up and stretched. Today was the day that she got to leave the exhilarating (and come on, let's face it-terrifying) life of a ninja and open her own bakery! (And yes, I am aware that she's just a teenager… Don't sweat the details.)

Sakura couldn't believe that the day has finally come. She had worked her butt off to earn enough money and skills to own her own shop. Her parents had been supportive, but they were skeptical. Sakura had even spent a week working with Choji's mother to improve her cooking skills. She had had to spend the next month working off all the extra weight she gained, and even now she still felt a bit pudgy.

Sakura didn't let that stop her, though. She had spent a long time learning from the very best bakers-aka a _lot_ of cookbooks-and now, finally, she was ready. Of course, there would be setbacks and problems ahead, but Sakura believed in herself, and she was confident that she would do better than okay.

Sakura quickly got up and dressed. She found herself instinctively begin tying on her headband, but she managed to catch herself. _I'm not a ninja anymore, remember?_ she chided herself as she dropped her headband into her bag.

Sakura called out to her parents, "I'm leaving!", and then she ran out toward her new shop.

It was still early, so nobody was around when Sakura got her keys out and opened the door. Her shop was small, but it was elegant. The menu was written in her girlish script on the blackboard that was mounted on the wall behind the counter. There were a few wooden tables and chairs set up around the shop, and a few landscape pictures had been hung up by the previous owner that Sakura had never bothered to take down. The walls themselves were painted a light gray that Sakura planned to fix up when she had the time.

She busied herself with setting out the little cakes and pies before going into the back where a small kitchen was and cleaning up a little there. With an hour left to kill, Sakura put her head down on the table and felt herself dozing off.

Sakura was woken up about ten minutes later by a small thudding noise and what sounded like a muffled curse. She got up and shuffled toward the door and looked in, surveying her shop. The light was dim, because the shades were drawn, but Sakura couldn't make out anything strange. She turned and walked slowly back to the kitchen.

There was still about an hour to kill, so Sakura sat at her small desk, brushed some of the papers to the side, kicked off her cute Pikachu slippers (:p) and put them on the desk, and tried to relax. Yeah, if only.

No matter what, Sakura couldn't get the noises she heard out of her mind. _Okay, fine! I'll just go check one more time,_ she thought, and she walked briskly over to the door. She stepped into the room and turned in a wide circle, surveying the room. She gasped and clapped her hands to her mouth, her eyes wide with horror.

 _All of the treats she had spent hours making were gone, and they were replaced with bowls of Instant Ramen!_

* * *

Interestingly, the first thing Sakura thought was that now her shop was perfect for all the Narutos out there. _Naruto!_ He had probably thought the same thing when he'd pulled this stupid little stunt.

Sakura looked around. There was no way she would be able to open her bakery without the baked stuff, but right now all that was on her mind was how she'd kill Naruto. She knew what she'd do. She'd drag him into the woods at night and tie him to pole. Then she'd light a fire around it, cook some ramen, and make him watch her eat it. Of course, she'd have to starve him a while for the effect. And then she'd nearly kill him and bury him. Sakura nearly laughed aloud.

But in order to actually commit the murder, she'd have to find the victim- no, Sakura was the victim here. Sakura went outside and locked the door carefully with hands that trembled with barely contained anger.

Sakura first went to Naruto's place. The lazy slob was probably lying in bed consuming ten bowls of ramen per minute. But… he wasn't. Sakura spent about half an hour racing up and down the streets of Konoha, but she saw no sign of him.

Right before she was about to give up, she saw Kakashi walking down the street with his face buried, as usual, in a book. Sakura ran up to him.

"Do you know where Naruto is?" she asked. Kakashi looked up with his usual bored face.

"Yeah, he was sent on a mission. He's probably on the way back now."

Sakura thanked Kakashi and ran toward the main gate. _That sneaky little fox,_ she thought. _He must've used one of his shadow clones, and then released the jutsu._

Sakura ran out of the village ninja-style, leaving two bewildered gate guards behind.

"Isn't she, like, retired or something?" Kotetsu asked. Izumo just shrugged. It was none of their business.

Sakura ran at full speed, letting her instincts tell her where Naruto was. It was one of the benefits of having trained with him for so long. Now she just somehow knew where he and Sasuke were, as long as she didn't think too hard about it. (*insert flashback here because I'm too lazy to do it for you*)

Finally, Sakura caught sight of Naruto walking slowly along the road, his boredom clearly written on his face. No doubt he was thinking of ways to convince the Hokage to give him better missions.

Naruto blinked as he caught sight of Sakura. Their gazes locked. Did he look guilty? Oh, definitely. Yes he did.

"You idiot! NARUTO!" Sakura yelled, punching Naruto in the face.

"Kuydgkwjhdb," Naruto cried out as he flew 10 yards down the road and landed there. He twitched once and let out a few pitiful mewing sounds before heaving a final breath and lying there motionlessly.

"Get up, you big dummy and let's fight!" Sakura said. Naruto didn't move. _Maybe I hit him too hard_ , Sakura thought slightly worriedly.

Suddenly, the air was filled with the sound of evil laughter.

Sakura whirled around, her eyes searching around for the enemy. It didn't take long. The enemy were apparently stupid. They stepped out from behind a tree, grinning at her. The leader was a girl with long magenta hair and evil eyes that had no soul. Next to him was younger boy-he was just a kid, really- with turquoise hair and laughing, mischievous eyes.

"My name's Valerie!" The girl said, spinning around.

"And I'm Drew!" The boy said, also spinning, though it was obviously something Valerie had ordered him to do, based on his awkward movements.

"And together, we're Team Valerie!one!1!", the two of them said in (almost) unison. Valerie smirked.

"We're the ones who stole your cakes! We knew you would suspect Naruto because of the ramen, and then you'd finish him off for us! Mwahahahaha! I'm a genius, aren't I?!" Valerie yelled, laughing gleefully at her "genius" plan.

"You little biscuit! I'm gonna beat you into a PULP!" Sakura screamed inhumanly at the top of her lungs. She punched the ground with so much force the tree behind them exploded. If they hadn't managed to jump away in time, they surely would have gone the same way.

"Water-style, Raging Waves!" Drew said. A large stream of water flowed straight toward Sakura, but she easily managed to jump out of the way. The water washed over there area Naruto lay, and no one noticed that he wasn't there when the water receded.

"Drew, you flipping idiot! That jutsu doesn't do anything!" Valerie screeched, grabbing the poor boy and shaking him hard.

"B-but, V-v-valerie, that's the o-only one you taught me," he whined. Sakura almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

Valerie sighed in disgust. Before she could do anything, however, Naruto suddenly appeared behind them, holding a rasengan in each hand and slamming them into both members of Team Valerie.

"Oh, no! We're blasting off for the first time ever!" they whined as they went spiraling into the distant sky until they were just a single gleaming spot in the sky that faded in about less than a second.

* * *

The end.


	2. Chapter 2

Sakura sighed happily and leaned back in her chair. She had closed the bakery early, and she was just relaxing now. Business wasn't bad. A lot of her friends had come to support her, as well as a few people who just wandered in on accident.

Also she had a really cute picture of Russia in the window…*sigh, Russiiiiaaaaaaa…* Ookay, movin' on.

Sakura reclined and stretched before preparing to leave and enjoy the rest of the day. She quickly put everything together and made sure everything was ready for the next day. Before leaving, she hurried back to her desk, pulled out a key that hung around her neck, and unlocked a drawer. Inside it were a bunch of official looking papers, but they were only a disguise to the true purpose of the drawer. Sakura shuffled through them until she got to the secret compartment at the bottom. Sakura grabbed a knife and managed to pry it open (it sometimes got stuck). Inside was a glossy picture of Sasuke.

As usual, Sakura could feel herself reacting to that amazingly hot jerkface. She sat down and could feel her cheeks begin to grow warm. She spent a few minutes just staring at the picture trying not to drool. Finally, pulling herself together, Sakura managed to have the grace to look around self-consciously.

Sakura creepily caressed Sasuke's arrogant and mean face before carefully placing it back.

Now that she was back to her senses, Sakura couldn't help but feel like she was being watched. She grabbed her bag and quickly fast-walked out the building.

(*creepy announcer voice* Little did she realize… she forgot to lock the secret Sasuke drawer!)

Sakura felt her psycho-senses begin to tingle. It was one of the (un)perks of being a typical fangirl. Sakura did not even bother to fight it as her feet began to move in the direction of where she knew Sasuke was sure to be.

As Sakura grew near she felt the familiar rush of fangirlness. There were a few parts to fangirlness: a rush of adrenaline as she prepared to fight the other fangirls tooth and nail for the prize, the feel of excitement and nervousness as she neared the prize, and the sudden boost in her brainpower (which wasn't very much) as she prepared to use all of her seducing skills and wisdom (again, not very much) for the hunt- after she beat the other girls.

Sakura saw Sasuke and it was like she was hit by a drug.

Suddenly, it was as if all of her "seducing skills and wisdom" had gone out the window.

"SASUKE!" she squealed, her eyes turning into hearts. She ran in a full speed ninja run, nearing her prey Sasuke.

She was getting closer… and closer… and closer, when suddenly: "Sasuke!" she heard an unfortunately familiar voice squeal in a tone that was similar to hers.

This time, Ino go there first. She leaped onto Sasuke and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Hey, Sasuke, wanna go for a walk, you know, talk about some, uh, _ninja_ stuff?" she crooned as she stared evilly at Sakura, rubbing it in that her ninja-ness was one more thing that kept her closer to Sasuke.

Sakura's vision darkened. She suddenly forgot about all those times she had rubbed it into Ino's face, back when she was assigned to Team 7 with Sasuke. _How dare she do that to me… I'll make her pay…_ she thought, as well as various other, darker, things that I probably shouldn't repeat.

Just when Sakura thought she was about to lose what little control she had, a voice (thankfully) interrupted all of them.

"You guys are pathetic," a snobby voice said. Ino let go of Sasuke, and together with Sakura looked toward the direction of the voice.

Now both of their fangirl powers were beginning to turn on. Yes, that last part was just a warm up. Sakura fighting with Ino was one thing, but when a stranger got involved…

The source of the voice was a girl who looked about their age. Unlike most of the other girls, she wasn't affected by Sasuke's hot coldness.

Which meant that she was a… a… closet fangirl?!

Closets were the worst type of all. They thought that just the mere fact that they had control over themselves meant that they were superior to people like Sakura and Ino and every other girl in the village except maybe Hinata and Tenten.

"Who are you?" Sakura asked rudely.

"Yeah, this is none of your business," Ino added, in just as rude a voice.

The Closet just rolled her eyes and told them that she was some peace treaty person from some other village or something like that, but Sakura and Ino weren't really paying attention. Preoccupied with their anger, they failed to notice that Sasuke had calmly walked away.

The girl laughed and walked over to Sakura. "Who are you? You a ninja?"

" _Are_ you a ninja," Sakura corrected. Sadly, she became more annoying when she got irritated.

The Closet just sneered. "You didn't answer my question," she sais.

Sakura and Ino exchanged glances. A nonverbal agreement passed between them.

"No, I'm not a ninja," Sakura said.

"Then who I am is none of your business," the Closet said, flipping her hair over her shoulder and walking away. "You should just go back to doing whatever you innocent townspeople do, and you, Ino, you're a ninja. You have better things to do."

Ino and Sakura turned to face each other, their earlier anger at each other suddenly forgotten. Sakura held out her hand. "Truce?" she asked, though she already knew the answer.

"Truce," Ino confirmed, shaking her hand.

Together, Ino and Sakura turned to watch the Closet stride away. She had just made a grave mistake. Any stranger Closet who messed with the two most experienced fangirls in the Leaf village had to be stupid, and she was about to face the consequences.

There would be no mercy. After all, this was war.


End file.
